I’m not very adaptable to change, I’ve realized not so long ago. I’m good at convincing myself that I am but I’m really not. I try my best to act like it doesn’t matter but every little thing gets to me.
When I was still in that show where I used to work, I was terrified when our team of four was suddenly just, well, me. I was going to be in charge of the work that was used to be done by four people. FOUR is totally not equal to one. When I finally got the hang of it, they announced that there would be two more people to join the team. Whaaat. I couldn’t let go of my responsibilities. I had this constant urge to do more than what I was told to do—sometimes forgetting that other people are supposed to take care of them. I don’t know if it’s arrogance (haha, it probably is) but I was always scared that if something didn’t go as planned, I would want to know how to explain why it didn’t. And clearly, if I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t know how to explain that. (Now that I think about it, though, it sounds kind of dumb.)
Anyway, I had a feeling it would happen again this time around. A different job, there’s no team, but I have the same feeling of not letting go. Of things I’ve been doing for more than a year now. But I think I’m slowly learning that this is part of the job. I can’t go on doing everything by myself! (Hello, that’s impossible.) And it’s possible not to do everything by yourself but still know how to explain when things go wrong.
It’s kind of strange that it still feels like more work now more than ever. (Haha, I used to have some time in between to do LJ-surfing. d: Now, it’s just switching tabs of all Candy-related pages.) But this isn’t me complaining. I’m actually happy that this job is still a huge challenge for me. I was scared that after a year, I’d get tired of it. I’m so happy that I’m not.