Currently / December 2020

2021 intentions

It’s currently an hour and 10 minutes before the New Year. Normally, I would be asleep or at least lying down about to fall asleep. We just had dinner and I’m so full, I’m standing while typing this.

December was a blur. Given how long and short this year has been, I’m surprised at how fast the month went by. Wasn’t it just yesterday when I recapped my November? Foregoing my usual monthly recap for a wordier update just because.

I remember beginning this year with much hope like I always do. I had written down my plans for the year only to scrap most of them as early as March. But then, there are things I never planned for, too.

Today, the last day of the year, I finally finished answering Susannah Conway’s Unravel Your Year workbook. It’s my second time filling it out and it has been a good exercise on looking back and reviewing the year that was. I know 2020 was not the best year for most of us. All our plans were put on hold, we’ve suffered losses—great and small. We’ve been stuck inside our homes for 10 months and counting. 2020 was nothing any of us expected.

I remember beginning this year with much hope like I always do. I had written down my plans for the year only to scrap most of them as early as March. But then, there are things I never planned for, too.

In October, I started a new job for a company I didn’t even think of ever working for. It’s curious, because when I looked at my Unravel Your Year workbook from this year, the job ticked 2 of the boxes I said I would let go of this year. Funny how things work out.

My card of 2020 was the Ace of Swords. I took it to mean that I had a clear picture of what I want in my head. I tried to carry that energy into the new year, and all things considered, I think I managed to do what I could given the situation. I learned how to be firm (especially when negotiating for what I deserve) and to discern whether or not something is for me. I took specific steps in order to achieve (or at least try to) my goals.

For 2021, I pulled the Queen of Cups. I’ve always been told that I’ve got a strong intuition. I always think of the word kutob when I think of intuition. You have a sense of things just by feeling. And maybe this year, I’m being reminded of this “power.” I need to trust myself more and allow myself to make decisions based on what I feel in my gut, in my heart.

I had a reiki session this morning with my friend Mimi. My only intention was for a clear heart and mind for 2021. I sat up feeling refreshed and energized and ready for the last day of the year. She told me that she thought of my dad while she was on my root chakra. She also saw a black and white butterfly on a wall just about to fly off. I wondered if it could be my parents. Did it mean they were at peace? Could this be why I have been feeling strangely calm and chill this holiday season?

Usually, Christmas is a sad time for me. But for the first time in what feels like forever, I didn’t cry on Christmas eve. I told Mimi, lately I haven’t been feeling as sad as I have in the past. I’m always so anxious that one night, it will hit me like a wall of bricks and I’ll have a break down. But maybe my worries are unfounded. Maybe my parents are looking out for me, giving me a gentle pat on the back or a hug.

I know the world is not magically going to be better when the clock strikes 12. I know that tomorrow, there will still be positive cases and there will probably be deaths. But there will also be recoveries and my hope is that we’re one day closer to getting vaccinated.

For now, I’m grateful to be alive and that I’ll wake up tomorrow looking forward to taking the steps to make my 2021 goals and dreams come true. P.S. Can you believe I started this year hating exercise and I am now on my 9th month of daily movement? If only for this, I can believe that anything is truly possible.

Happy new year. May we all find pockets of joy in the everyday, mundane things and, most important of all, always remember to be kind.

December 2, 2020
January 2, 2021

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